So it frightens you. And to me it's not- anything. It's just stating how I feel on an everyday basis. Well- you see what happens when I mention it.

After a friend talked on her blog about facing her feelings and pain I was impressed; I am not that brave. But it comes down to this: even when I can face it, others can’t.

I do need to acknowledge my feelings as I am able. Since I can't do that to those around me I have this blog I haven't shared with them. Listen to this: "...Who really knows you at all if you cannot talk of your greatest thoughts?" -Blue Roses, 'Greatest Thoughts'

This is who I am; Mildred is not. A lot of the time I have to be Mildred to cope but I need to be understood, not seen as Mildred only.

I’m not demanding answers from anyone; I'm not having a "rough time" right now: this is the usual. I avoid certain people I would otherwise hang out with because most of them see me as Mildred and I can't keep up with that. If everyone knew the truth I wouldn't have to skulk around anymore. It was all different in the circle I was in last fall and winter; everybody knew why I was there and treated me accordingly. I wasn't afraid to go to social functions.

Here I am the first one out the door after church and don't do any socializing during the week. They apparently have no clue why I am suddenly here instead of my own home far away. As if I moved because I got tired of my home and I'm living it up here and looking for a job.

I know I don't make much sense; it doesn't to me either. And I am demanding and easily upset and and and. I am sorry for everyone around me that it is this way; I just can't wrap around everything and be balanced. I feel better after writing this all out to you. I wish everyone could read it and be comfortable with it.

Hazel